Goodbyes

I thought of you again today. It’s the funniest of things when I turn my head and there you are. I sit in the dark lit comfort of this shop writing at a table for two with smells of a drink that would never be yours fill the room. I am taken aback to a shop very similar, where we sat by a fireplace, talking about nothing and everything all at once. Passing time just so we could see and feel it move. Even if it was just an illusion, we controlled it. 

There life is not that scary. Its not that hard. And its truly not bad. Life is too short to live in perpetual loom and doom or always carry gloom in your spirit. I imagine the corner mouth smirk you would give at reading such an alliteration.  

You taught growth, travel, exploration, adventure, failure, friendship, God and hope as we lived together. And for some reason, you chose to spend all that time with me. I will never place logic into this mess made because feelings never came through. 

Thank you friend. Thank you for your time and life spent with me. I love and cherish every moment that was spent and use it to grow. I find you in life and feel inspired to grow, always pursuing.

 I pray for you. For happiness. Peace. Love. Life. True life as we imagined that day in the coffee shop. I thought we would see each other more, more than we would see anyone else. But now I am realizing that your finger prints helped mold my life. How can I not see you? 

So thank you friend, for all the lessons you meant to teach and the ones you did not. 

Love,

Your once dear friend

Still, but not Stagnant

It was an early summer's day and I just said goodbye to my two best friends at the airport. As I watched them walk away my heart sank with uncertainty with what I would do in this new place that didn't have a mall, had a cow pasture next to the high school and didn't have my two best friends within a five minute driving distance. You could say my small teenage world crumbled, but that would be melodramatic and a horribly negative end to the story.

When you are an active person who hates being bored, you will find something to do. And I did. I explored! I ate at country grocery stores, listened to Indie music and met creative, country and earth changing people who were very different than me. And surprisingly, I loved it! The thrill of finding a new coffee shop down the road with the best chai tea latte you've ever had or meeting a person who will sit and have deep meaningful life chats fueled my past seven years of movement and growth.

But today looks different. I entered a season of change but I didn't move. My town, home, church and school stayed the same, but everything feels different. The challenge is I can't recognize the change as easily as when I move to a new apartment or have to learn new roads or have to find new ways to make friends. It's requiring going deeper to see the change beyond the discovery of a new hang spot or finding 'your people'. 

I am learning change is less about moving around and more about moving down. Down into the depths of who I am, what my community means, who is around me and how I am impacting those around me. It's a change of perspective rather than a change of scenary. Still moving and changing during this season, just in a new way. 

So once again, I am back in that place like I was nearly 7 years ago when I waved goodbye to my two best friends. And I am starting to get that feeling again. Not uncertainty.