It has been a busy day. Actually it has been a busy week.
The end had come as I took my last final, my family rolled into town and my
friends and I walked across a stage to state to the world we did it. We had
spent four years studying, building relationships, leaving relationships,
becoming members of clubs ranging from swing dance to honors ambassadors and
asking ourselves “What the heck am I doing with my life?” randomly along the
way. We worked hard and played hard and constantly found ourselves growing more
into who we desired to be. Or in some cases, like mine, leaving behind lies of
who we thought we needed to be. The end of something is typically followed by
the beginning of a new something. When you finish a gallon of milk, you open
another. When mascara dries out, you start another tube. This is true in life
too.
Undergraduate had just finished and in less than a week my
friends and I would start the next season, graduate school. If I wasn’t
careful, I would exchange the celebration of this season for the drudging
responsibility of preparation, list making, syllabi reading or cleaning out my
closet again. So, I left town and headed to grandmother’s house because where
else in the world can you get home cooked food, conversations dripping with
honesty and wisdom and the beach? I drove away from rural cow pastures and
university life to head to the coast for a week.
After an evening of celebrating with family and a morning
filled with shopping and filling my head with apartment decorating ideas, Gran
B. and I needed rest. So I went outside strung up my hammock, jumped/flipped
myself into my hammock and began reading. There is something so rich about the
simplicity of reading. Getting lost in a story, going on an adventure. I think
deeper thoughts when I read and this book had me saying, “That’s me” and
nodding in agreement to myself the entire time. The particular book I was
reading today is Packing Light by Allison Vesterfelt. The chapters feel like
personal conversations between us in the warmth and security of a coffee shop.
I imagine her and I sitting in a big leather armchairs across from each other
with toes curled under the arm rest just where it meets the seat cushion in the
corner sipping hot black coffee in oversized mugs as she tells of her
adventurous road trip and when she stops to sip her coffee I ask “And then what
happened?”
As I continued our conversation, I saw the pages in my left
hand grow thicker than those in my right signaling the end of a story. I wasn’t
ready for it to end, so I clothes-pinned the last two chapters for another day
and lounged back. The wind caught on to my relaxed state and gently swayed me
back and forth. The sun peeked its way thorough the overgrown oaks creating a
golden shade that warmed my skin.
In that moment, I realized the richness of what had
occurred. I had said goodbye to a season of life filled with adventure,
exploration, learning, tears, bitterness, friendship, love and loss. And yet,
here was a new season ahead, of deepening relationships, reconnecting,
loosening expectations, and developing into a professional and walking even
closer to the One who made me. As the wind rocked me back and forth, I felt
like I was swaying between those seasons. I wanted to be filled with sadness at
undergrads end and excitement at the beginning of graduate school.
All I felt though was richness. Both seasons were rich, like
baked Brie or sitting on the couch reconnecting with old friends. Both seasons
are uniquely rich and filled me with what I needed. Maybe this is gratitude.
Gratitude for what has come and what will come. What I have learned and what
will be learned. Who I have loved and whom I will love. Where I have gone and
where I will go. Friendships I have that will be deepened and friendships that
haven’t even experienced that fateful first cup of coffee. Perhaps this is what
Paul meant when he wrote “in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for
you in Christ Jesus.” (1Thessalonians 5:18).
Gratitude isn’t only celebrated on a day when we stuff our
faces with lush amounts of our favorite homemade recipes that only our family
makes right or even a prayer we utter before each meal or when we see a
homeless man at the corner with a sign saying “Lost everything, take anything.”
Gratitude is in how we live. It shows that Christ really is in us, changing us
as we move from season to season. Maybe that’s a part of seasonal living,
living in gratitude.
